For the Lolz

This is my commentary following completing Mass Effect 3 for the second time (playing all the way through the end).
Some of it is inflammatory. All nasty words that I don't like to post have been changed to "fish." I mean no offense to the individuals mentioned herein, promise. It's just ... well, you should have made a better ending.
This is the finish of the game for my infiltrator Shepard, Adelaide, who romanced Kaidan in ME1 and Garrus in ME2, then stayed loyal to Garrus. This started as a legitimate question track, for tomorrow, and then just devolved into insanity. Sort of like the game.

Lovingly accompanied by my new obsession, GIFs. Because I now know they don't stop moving when I save them to my desktop. :) Most of them are related to David Tennant, which is ... not a coincidence. This was all written during the game and while watching the credits roll.

Questions raised by the ending:

Before the clusterfish that is the ending: 

Why did they mount a full frontal assault? Larger ships should have broken off with fighter support into smaller groups and each taken a Reaper. Kill it with bug bites.

Why tantalize us with discussions about what everyone will do after the battle is over only to rip it all away?

Why isn’t Harbinger in the rest of the game?

Why don’t my squadmates follow me down the hill?

During the clusterfish that is the ending:

Why does Harbinger leave?

Why is the gun Shepard picks up not the gun I had?

Why does no one notice Shepard staggering towards the beam like she's had too much booze?

If Anderson was with Hammer why isn’t Anderson injured?

Why is it a renegade thing to keep from shooting Anderson?

What is the beam? Why is there a teleportation beam when before there hasn’t been before in the canon?

Why is there a random gun down there on the Citadel?

Why does the elevator glow?

Why do I have to shoot the thing to destroy everything?

Why is Anderson’s the renegade choice?

Why did I just see Liara’s face when I romanced Garrus? 

Why did you make me commit more xenocide than I planned on initially?

Why did you put it to a creepy piano tune? (well, soundtrack dissonance, probably)

Why don’t the flames destroy the fish out of everything non-Reaper as well?

Why blow up the Citadel?

Why did you openly kill so many people?

Why didn’t you do what you promised?

Why did you destroy the relays? Who thought this was a good fishing idea?

Why did you make Shepard into the worst war criminal in history?

Why is Joker running from the explosion?

Why is the Normandy affected if it’s not synthetic?

Why didn’t Joker break every bone in his body during the escape?

Where is Gilligan’s Planet?

Why can’t my Shepard retire with her LI?

Where’s the nice ending that all Bioware games eventually have?

During the credits, after the clusterfish that is the ending:

Why did you kill my soul?

"I finished Mass Effect 3. It's like losing Rose all over again."

Why is the music at the end of the game so fishing weird compared to the piano piece?

What is Garrus going to eat on this planet anyway?

How did Garrus get off Earth?

Why do they look so pleased at crash landing on a random planet?

The fish? Javik was with me on my run to the beam. He oughtta be dead.

 

I GOT THE ENDING BREATH THING HELL YEAH.

Ugh the ending of this game is such bullfish.

Fish you Casey Hudson.

And you, Mac Walters.

Eh, Derek Watts probably did good.

So did David Falkner.

Jess Houston, you should have caught Hudson.

Everyone else probably did a good job. Except the editors. And the testers. And the rest of the producers.

Quality Assurance, you dropped the fishing ball. Man did you EVER drop that ball.

 Thanks for showing me the long list of voice actors who are ALL NOW DEAD IN GAME.

Oh, you even list the stargazer. Who hasn’t even shown up yet.

Oh, look at this long list of dead people. 

Marking did a good job, or at least fair. Except for, you know, lying to us about things.

Studio Leadership … I’ll let that slid.

Tulay Tetiker or whatever your name was – bad job.

Creative Development. Ha. Ha.

 Screw you Ray.

And finally, screw you EA.

Man, if I tried to list out all the people who failed in quality assurance…….They even got listed several times. Wow.

Stock Photographs. LOL.

Do they even understand that, in starting this playthrough, I wanted to cheer for a kid to get killed? (only brought up because of the music here.)

I mean, come on. Should I just go and test every game Bioware starts to put out now? So I can just say “Yeah, no, look guys, this is bullfish. Absolute bullfish, okay? Redo it.” Man, I will edit their plotlines from now on. I mean, seriously.

And then there’s all this fish. Yeah. Woo Buzz Fishing Aldrin telling a story to his kid.

When can I go to the stars, cause I’m a little fish.

I’m gonna tell you bullfish about all this star fish.

Tell me another story about the Shepard, cause I’m a whiny entitled fanboy. My dad is Conrad Fishing Verner. 

Yay! Buy more DLC!

*This is fully intended for humor purposes. If you are offended by anything herein, I apologize profusely. But to be honest, it's none of your fishin' business. Have a dancing Ood.